Dealing With “Adult” Bullies


Professor Moogles Archive |

Professor Moogles

Kupo, Class.

Today, we’re going to discuss cyber bullying. But instead of focusing on obvious versions of bullying such as stuff /b/ and 4Chan do instead of bathing, we’re going to look at behavior in certain adults that is actually just a juvenile form of bullying.

First off, what IS bullying? Despite popular belief, calling someone a moron is not a form of bullying. When I call you a moron, I do it out of love. Well, actually, I do it because you’re being a moron but that’s beside the point…

Bullying is harassment on an escalated level. Usually to the point of overwhelming or trapping the person on the receiving end of the harassment. It’s usually an abuse of some kind of faux power that the bully has over the individual. This “power” doesn’t have to be physical or anything like that, but can simply take the form of being in a socially easier position than the other person.

Technically Not Bullying Because The Kid Is Ginger

Technically Not Bullying Because The Kid Is Ginger

But today, I’m not going to discuss the typical form of bullying. Instead, I’m going to present to you bully-like behavior exhibited by adults. This is behavior that on it’s surface doesn’t look like bullying, but in fact comes from the same dickbag mentality.

Now, let’s get a couple of my, *cough* “friends” in here to help me demonstrate what I mean.

This is my rather dapper friend who’s name I completely forgot…

Mogri_icon_04_lMoogle: Dirk… my name is Dirk...

Whatever you say Dirt. And this is Steve.


Steve: It’s Bill…

Sure thing, Steve. These two are going to look into some behavior adults exhibit which stems from bully mentality. Dirt will be our bully in this example. Steve will play the part of a rational, not-total-idiot.

Dirt: …It’s Dirk… um anyway… Hey Steve, I’m better than you because I have money, muscles, and power!

“Steve”: Not really because… I don’t actually care about money or power. I’m perfectly happy as I am.

Dirt: Whatever. You’re just jealous that I’m richer and more successful than you! I’m going to proceed to go tell everyone about how rich and awesome my life is!

“Steve”: …um… ok. I’m sure everyone will be really impressed…


Now, I’m going to interrupt here and throw out a red flag.

“Why don’t you say that to my face”

We’ve now hit the territory of threatened bullies. When their power is leaking from them, they proceed to the physical threats and intimidation stage of their attempt at maintaining power. If anyone has ever said “why don’t you say that to my face”, they’re basically a Neanderthal man who has learned to use a keyboard.

They are likely the kind of person who fights by throwing both their arms up and out and puts their chest forward, which is also behavior exhibited by gorillas when they fight…

My point being: the testosterone is now building, and the ability to be anything other than a stupid animal is slowly slipping from these supposedly “powerful” people. We would pity this inability to be anything other than their own missing link, but they’re such enormous douchecopters that it’s not worth the effort or time.

“Why don’t you say that to my face” fits with many other phrases these testosterone-fueled nitwits say. Most of these phrases sound like they were ripped from the script of a WWE Pay Per View. Things like “I crush people that get in my way!” or actually referring to people who don’t like them as “enemies”.

You’re not a villain in a Batman comic, you’re just a dude. If you really want to use words like “crush” and “enemy”, please don a cape and mask so we can recognize you’ve left the realm of functional human being to live in a cheesy action movie.

Pretty Sure This Bully Has Cancer...

Pretty Sure This Bully Has Cancer…

Let’s return to Dirt and Steve, shall we? Dirt is going to demonstrate how these bullies attempt to maintain power even when they’re not directly in conflict.

Dirt: It’s Dirk… um… *cough* Right… well… I just spent six hours at the gym! Yup, so great to be the most physically fit person in the universe. And today, I’m going to count all my money and power and success! Aren’t I awesome!

“Steve”: Not particularly but… congratulations?

Dirt: You’re just mad ’cause you’re NOT as rich and successful and strong as I am! You’re just a pathetic wimp who doesn’t have money or success while I’m off being totally the best thing on the planet. You wish you could be as great as me, but you’re just nothing!

“Steve”: Yup, that must be it…

The bully is usually plagued with inadequacies and must attempt to showcase how they’re more established than others around them as much as possible. The attempts to belittle someone’s life choices in comparison to their own to maintain what basically boils down to “Alpha Male” status. You’re not in a wolf pack, you’re in the 21st century.

Muscles don’t make you the strongest dude in the cave anymore. We invented tools and shit already, you’re obsolete. Money may make you powerful in a broken-down society, but on a personal level, it means nothing to a lot of people. There are many people who don’t attempt to measure and quantify their lives with the yardstick that is bank account numbers. “Power” is relative. Some people see being a rich businessman in a suit as powerful, others see a tie as a dog leash. Different strokes, ya know?

“But Professor Moogles…” your grey unit is getting ready to ask “What’s wrong with lifting weights and being physically fit?”

Absolutely nothing. It doesn’t, however, make you better than someone that doesn’t partake in said actions. By all means, take care of your body, for it is your temple. Just don’t talk about it like it’s something to be praised for. You work out? So do house wives who do Yoga. If you wish to use this information in an informative way, to help someone who is also interested in these actions, that’s great. If you like to discuss it as a hobby that you enjoy, that is also acceptable. But when you reach the area of using it to brag or compare yourselves to other people, you’re nothing more than waste of atomic matter.

“And being a rich successful business man?”

Nothing wrong with that either. It does not, however, make someone better in any quantifiable way or more important than another person. The issue is not with HOW someone lives their life, but how they choose to project how they live their life. Using these things as a way to belittle someone else or ask for respect is petty and sad.

Take this into mind: those rich business men have to eat. They have to buy their things. They have to exist in a society that isn’t covered in garbage and fecal matter. Therefore, are they really “more powerful” than someone that works in retail or makes food? Society pays them better, but without garbage men and customer service, they wouldn’t be able to live their comfortable lives. They tend to not take that into consideration because the corrupt society we live in dictates that they’re “more important” and worthy of more pay and higher status.

Imagine it like a game of Jenga.


They like to imagine they’re the top pieces and others are the bottom pieces. However, if you were to remove all the bottom pieces, the tower would fall over and their position at the top would make them fall the farthest. So, as you can see, this “power” is all superficial and in the end, doesn’t make them “more important” or “better” than any other person. Bully mentality makes them think it matters, but it doesn’t.

So what have we learned today? We’ve learned that men (and it’s usually men) can act like total idiots when they’re given faux power. Money, muscles, status, high-paying jobs and big houses, objects, these things are looked at as measuring tools by people who want to make themselves seem more important or better than others. But as we’ve now learned, this superiority is simply surface.

Dirt: But Professor Moogles! How is it we’re supposed to respond to these people when they try to use their power to make us look small or unimportant.

I’m glad you asked Steve!

Dirt: I’m Dirt! I mean, I’m Dirk…

Sure you are Frank.

Dirt: Who the fuck is Frank now?!

Anyway, Jim isn’t wrong to ask this. Because it is the main lesson for today: dealing with Alpha Male idiots who want to try and act like they’re superior to you. How to deal with the small-brained bully mentality that testosterone-fueled dillweeds try to use to make themselves seem better than you.

It’s very simple: laugh at them, then ignore them.

As we’ve established here, they don’t actually have any power over you. All the things they use to try and measure themselves against you are actually not a sign of being better. In fact, if they need to resort to constant bragging and chest-puffing, they’re actually probably lesser than you regardless of their status in life.

Take pride in the fact you don’t need to constantly measure yourself against others and try to one-up someone with your achievements. Bullies want power over you, but if you simply show them their power isn’t power, you’re knocking them flat on their asses. They can continue to flaunt their tail feathers like a Peacock, but in the end, they’ll find they’re really not that powerful after all.

That or just tell them to go fuck a car muffler and burn their genitals so bad they can’t reproduce and fill society with more bro idiots… that’s also an option…

Class dismissed.


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